I would recommend to listen this starting a New Year 2021!
Thursday, December 31, 2020
11 Practices To Help You Thrive In Difficult Times
Some of the most
compassionate and caring people got that way because they learned to thrive in
difficult times. They know what it’s like to be at rock bottom and have
to climb their way out.
While no
one chooses to go through difficulties, how you respond to
them makes a huge difference. Like the proverbial tree, you can bend, or you
can break.
Yet, developing
strategies to get through hardships isn’t a natural part of growth. These come
with trial and error.
If you’d rather
not learn from your mistakes and you want to take a proactive approach, use
these tips to thrive in difficult times.
1.
Focus on Your Goals
In a list of your
top goals, chances are “success” would be one of them. This broad term is
tossed around a lot, but what does it really mean?
We all want to be
successful, but this term implies something different to everyone. Dig deep and
figure out how you’ll know when you’ve reached the level of “success.”
As you develop
your goals, each one will have its own target. To keep on the path that’s going
to help you attain each goal, always have these questions in mind:
- What are
your goals?
- What’s your
definition of success?
- Is what
you’re going through now throwing them off course?
- How
can you get back on track?
- What will
your successful life look like?
Tomorrow is going
to come, regardless of how you handle the difficulties of today. Plant the
seeds of success in at least one goal every day, even if you have to crawl to
get there.
2.
Validate Your Feelings
Many people are
raised to believe that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. But you don’t
have to see your feelings as a bad thing. Ignoring how you feel or trying to
cover it up often leads to unhealthy addictions.
The truth is that
when you can accept and validate your emotions, you are more likely to handle
them in a healthy way.
As a bonus, you
become a role model for those around you, especially children. They’ll see you
thriving in hard times and begin to copy your strategies.
3.
Switch Your Perspective
Those who thrive
in life weren’t born with silver spoons or the magic touch. They know how to
switch their mindsets to focus on moving forward, regardless of the
difficulties they face.
When you first
notice that you’re complaining or feeling down about a situation, acknowledge
the reason. Then, look for something else you can do to pull yourself out of
the negative thinking.
If you’re not
cautious, that negativity can spiral into sadness or depression. Catching it at
the source and switching your perspective to something positive helps you keep
going until you can deal with the problem.
4.
Talk It Out
Have you ever had
something driving you crazy in your head, but once you said it out loud, you
realized it wasn’t that bad?
Find a trusted
friend or a therapist to talk out your worries and goals. Talk therapy is
often covered by insurance. It’s a recommended way to identify the problems in
your life and learn coping strategies to work through them.
5.
Think About the Solution, Not the Problem
There are two
main types of people in the world: those who focus on problems and those who
look for solutions.
Yes, you need to
acknowledge the problem exists. Once you recognize it, though, don’t wallow in
it. Look for ways you can solve the issue and move forward.
Being able to
think this way isn’t natural for everyone. Don’t feel bad if you’re not wired
this way automatically. There are lots of classes and life coaches who can help
you retrain your brain.
Solution-oriented
thinking is one of the traits almost all successful leaders share. It’s a
skill that will help you thrive in hard times and excel in the rest of your
life.
6.
Learn to be Grateful
In the dark
times, it’s so difficult to focus on the good things in your life. It can feel
like you have nothing but problems, but that’s not true for anyone.
Yet, the little
things you’re supposed to be grateful for aren’t always easy to see.
They’re probably even things you take for granted.
Learning to be
thankful for those small conveniences and blessings is everything. The attitude
of gratitude is one of the best ways to get through hard times.
Every day, make a
list of at least ten things that you can be grateful for. Then, when you feel
least like being thankful, pull those lists out and read them.
Inch by inch,
you’ll start to realize that things aren’t as bad as they seem, and that
there’s always something to be happy about.
7.
Put Yourself First
Self-care is a
buzzword today, and for a good reason. Research shows that your
mental health declines when you’re always taking care of others and never
yourself.
Putting yourself
first doesn’t mean you’re selfish — it means that you know you can’t pour from
an empty cup.
Before you say
you can’t afford self-care, please know that it doesn’t mean going for a spa
day or a shopping spree. Self-care could look like that, yes, but it can also
mean:
- Eating
healthier
- Going for a
walk
- Sleeping
better
- Journaling
- Finding a
hobby
- Practicing yoga or
meditating
Anything that
helps you recharge your batteries—and you’ll feel it when you find the right
activities—is self-care.
8.
Develop Boundaries
You were born a
human, not a doormat. But over time, many of us learn that it’s easier to say
“okay” than “no.” Eventually, this can drain your mental health, especially
when you’re already going through hard times.
Part of taking
care of yourself is determining where boundaries are necessary and creating
them. You don’t need a wall, but you do need a border.
When others are
nearing the line, let them know. It’s there to protect your relationship with
them, not to keep them out of your life entirely.
Remember,
boundaries are the distance where you can love yourself and the other person at
the same time.
9.
Eat Right
One of the first
things to get pushed to the curb when we’re stressed is our health. It’s just
easier to eat processed foods, run through the drive-thru, or skip meals
entirely.
But this “easy”
route makes things much harder for you in the long run. The fifteen minutes you
saved is multiplied exponentially over the years when the junk food results in
chronic diseases.
Nutritional
depletion also saps your energy. Your body needs good food to run every system
inside you, both physically and psychologically. Vitamin deficiencies are
responsible for many mental health illnesses.
If you want to
get through those difficult circumstances, you’ll do it better if you pass up
the sweets and grab some fruit.
10.
Check Your Growth
When you were a
child, you never noticed yourself growing until you measured yourself against
something else. The same theory applies to your personal growth in life.
Where you are now
might not be your final destination, but is it further than you were in the
past?
Sometimes, small
steps are better than big leaps. What little victories can you celebrate each
day, even through your difficult times?
Every inch
forward is progress, even if it’s followed by setbacks. Keep your finish line
in sight. Whatever goal you’re working towards, focus on the tiny movements,
not the big jumps.
11.
Give Yourself Some Grace
More than
anything else, you must practice giving yourself permission to mess up. We all
make mistakes, especially when we’re facing adversity. If you harp on every
single screw-up, you’ll beat yourself down.
That doesn’t mean
you can stop trying. It means when you know you’ve done the best you could do
at the moment, and it doesn’t work, it’s okay.
Pushing to give
100% when you don’t have it is setting yourself up for failure. If you can’t
give your all to one thing, do something else until you can.
To thrive in
life, you must give yourself grace and be comfortable learning from your
mistakes.
Conclusion
Successful people
don’t always get that way because it was handed to them. For millions of
people, it’s the obstacles and challenges that make them
succeed!
It’s not always
easy to remember the silver linings when times are tough, but these tips will
remind you to keep moving forward so you can thrive, no matter what situation
you’re in.
Source: https://bit.ly/3o4LrLk
About the author
Caitlin
Sinclair is the business manager at Elements 616, an apartment community in Redondo Beach, CA.
Tuesday, December 29, 2020
How I Changed My Life for the Better
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where
you are heading.” – Lao Tzu
A few years ago, I decided to change my life for the better. I
thought I would write about the changes I decided to make in case others could
benefit from it. There were numerous reasons why I wanted to make these life
alterations, but the main ones were:
1. I knew I was capable of so much more. I wanted to make an
effort to exploit my full potential and accomplish more and I was not doing
that.
2. I was not in the best of health. I was too sedentary, out of
shape, had visceral body fat around my waist, I kept late hours, and I drank
too much alcohol.
3. My overall lifestyle habits were not conducive towards a
healthy and productive life.
4. I wanted to be more mindful and happy and worry less.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. That was my motivation.
I conducted a lot of research online and read many books on happiness, health,
success, productivity and overall wellness. After devouring a wealth of
information from famous self-help experts and some not so famous ones, I
recognized a commonality between all of them as they pretty much were all
advocating similar strategies.
I carefully and discriminately decided on the changes I would
make in my life. I purposely chose changes that were practical, effective, and
achievable for me. I wanted lasting changes and not temporary ones that were
based on euphoria. For certain aspects, I made complete 180-degree changes
while for others I made small behavioral changes. I did this because certain
changes were harder for me to make than others.
I came up with a list of 31 specific habits that I wanted to
change. Here is what I did:
1. I decided to have a daily routine which I followed
diligently. I did not have to wake up in the morning and figure out what I
needed to do because I had a routine that I adhered to. It eradicated the
guesswork.
2. I set clear goals that I wanted to achieve. I wrote these
down so that there was no ambiguity. These goals were specific and clearly
stated so that it was obvious when I achieved them (or didn’t). Because there
was no vagueness, I knew when I fell short.
3. Based on the advice of others, I made sure the goals I set
were quantifiable and measurable. For example, rather than saying I would
exercise often (what does often mean?), I said that I would exercise 4 times
per week for 1 hour each time. Because my goals were so specific, I was able to
review my progress (or lack of) easily. And I did a review every week.
4. Not only did I develop a daily routine, I also decided to
plan my days and week in advance. Rather than leave things to chance or to what
I felt like doing at the moment, I planned each day and week by listing
specific things that I wanted to accomplish. For example, I decided to do my
grocery shopping on a Monday afternoon when the store was less crowded and numerous
items went on sale.
5. I learned to meditate and incorporated that into my daily
routine. This one change has made a huge impact on my life. I now meditate
every morning after I wake up. It has taught me so much about myself, helped me
concentrate more, and become more mindful. It also has made me realize that my
thoughts can be extremely rambunctious and that I do not always have to attach
myself to them.
6. I decided to join my local gym and exercise 5 days a week. I
do this in the mornings before I start work. I lift weights and then do a
20-minute cardio workout. My gym also offers classes (free with the gym
membership) such as yoga which I sometimes join.
7. Another change I decided to make was to get rid of or
distance myself from friends whom I considered to be toxic or bad examples. I
knew that I wanted friends who had a positive influence on me.
8. Related to number 7, I started making new friends with people
I considered to be positive influences. I also spent more time with existing
friends who shared my goals to be a better person.
10. I also decided to cook more food at home rather than eating
out. I love to cook so this change was not as difficult for me as for some. I
now control what I cook and how much fat is added to my food. And I have been
saving a ton of money by eating out less. And when I do eat out, I try to order
healthier items on the menu.
11. Another change I chose to make pertains to
reading. I decided to read more books. I used to read a lot when I was younger
but, somehow, fell out of the habit. I now download great books on my Kindle app and read
them before bed at night on my iPad or phone.
12. I have curtailed my TV viewing and now watch much less
television compared to before. I have used this time to read more.
13. When I do watch TV now, I refrain from watching negative and
frivolous programming. I used to watch reality shows and loved watching crime
shows like Unusual Suspects but found them to have no real merit or educational
value. Some of the programs that I used to watch would actually have a negative
impact on me and subliminally get me depressed. My remote control is now used a
lot more discriminately to find shows that are uplifting and educational. I
love channels like National Geographic, Discovery, and PBS.
14. I cannot believe how much time I wasted in the past surfing
the internet and visiting web sites that posted junk. Today, I am more aware of
the choices I make with my mouse and I avoid web sites that predominantly post
violent, discriminatory, sexual and useless information.
15. After reading about the virtues of being grateful, I now
list 5 things every night that I am grateful for before I fall asleep. It could
be simple things like enjoying a nice meal or spending quality time with a
loved one. This has made me appreciate my blessings so much more and made me
more thankful.
16. A major change I have made in my life is to drastically cut
back on the amount of alcohol I consume. I still drink wine in moderation but I
do not indulge in vodka and binge drinking like I did before.
17. In the past, I managed to convince myself that I was a night
owl and definitely not a morning person. During the week, I now climb into bed
by 10PM and wake up much earlier than before. It took a while for me to adjust
my sleep habits and I now realize that it is possible to follow the adage early
to bed, early to rise. I feel so much more rested these days.
18. Another major change I have made in my life is being more
careful with my money. I now am a lot more discriminate when it comes to buying
stuff and I have learned to source out great bargains. I save a lot more than I
did before.
19. In addition to saving more money, I also invest my money
now. I have become a silent partner in a business and have also invested in my
own business.
20. Rather than spend money buying frivolous stuff that I do not
need, I now spend money on memorable experiences that I know I will cherish.
Whether it is going to visit my mother who lives overseas or going kayaking, I
now spend my money on great experiences that teach me a lot and afford me a lot
of fun.
21. I have decided to stay in closer contact with family and
friends whom I care about deeply. I used to be more self-centered and neglected
to stay in touch with my loved ones. I now take the time to call my Mom more
often, write more personal e-mails and letters, and simply be a better friend
and family member. This has brought me so much closer to those I cherish.
22. One thing that I have changed and do much better now is
managing my time. I did not realize how much I was wasting in a typical day on
frivolous things, be it daydreaming, spending time in a bar, watching boring TV
commercials, trolling the internet for useless gossip, etc. I now am more aware
of how I spend the most precious commodity all of us have been given, time.
23. Forgiveness is a big one for me. I can honestly say that I
used be bad at forgiving others and myself. I was equally hard on others whom I
perceived had wronged me, as well as on myself for all my past mistakes. I
spent a lot of time learning to forgive myself and others and this has freed me
from so much anger and resentment.
24. In addition to meditation, I have learned to incorporate
visualization/guided imagery into my daily routine. Every morning before I
meditate, I visualize and picture outcomes and goals that I desire. I do not
just visualize it; I actually try to feel the feeling of actually accomplishing
the outcome. I have found this to be extremely powerful.
25. I have to admit that I used to be a coward when it came to
visiting the doctor or dentist. For years, I avoided them like the plague.
However, I now have chosen to view going to the doctor and dentist frequently
in a more positive light. I schedule visits regularly and my fear has been
greatly reduced. I focus on the fact that prevention is better than cure.
26. In the past, I have been guilty of spending too much time at
bars and clubs. I now have cut back on those activities significantly and
substituted them with more wholesome activities. I am now more likely to go
hiking, visiting a state park, taking up photography, bird watching, going to
the beach, joining a yoga class, etc.
28. Another major change I have made in my life is
making time to learn new skills and increasing my knowledge. I am more likely
to enroll in a photography class now, or watch a TED talk, or
choose a great documentary on Netflix to watch as compared to before. I read
books on meditation, exercise, nutrition, etc.
29. If there was an award for procrastination, I think I would
have been in the running in the past. I would procrastinate a lot, especially
if the task at hand scared me or seemed daunting. I have greatly improved this
tendency and now jump into things without letting fear get the better of me. I
have learned that the small act of starting a task makes all the difference
because it builds momentum and confidence and motivates me to continue.
30. One thing that I do much more now as compared to before is
challenging myself to do things that I consider difficult. In the past, I would
shy away from difficult endeavors because I was scared and did not believe in
myself sufficiently. I realize now that many of these fears were unwarranted. I
also know now that challenging yourself is the only way to grow and improve. I
now view the discomfort in a different light. If I am uncomfortable doing
something, there is a good chance it’s because I am taking myself out of my
comfort zone and learning something new.
31. Last and not least, I do my best to love myself now. I do
not take myself as seriously and try to practice unconditional self-love. I
make a conscious effort to practice simple but positive affirmations throughout
the day that emphasize self-love and worth.
I have incorporated these changes gradually over time and have
found that each of them supports the other. I’d like to make it clear that in
no way am I successful 100% of the time. I am far from perfect and still have
many faults. In fact, I fail often. However, two things have happened:
1. I fail less often than I did before, probably because, like
anything else, things get easier the more you practice. And
2. When I do fail, I do not let it discourage me like it would
have before. I simply learn from my mistakes, make changes and move on.
I can sincerely say that these changes have made me a happier,
more successful and more equanimous person. I could not have even imagined the
life I have right now, and I am still learning every day. If I can do it,
I know you can, too. I blog about these and other experiences regularly because
I want to share my experiences and help others.
I believe in you. What changes are you going to make in your
life?
Source: https://bit.ly/3n5KmBX
David Naidu. David
Naidu is a co-founder of SkilledAtLife.com and
started the blog because of his deep desire to better his life. He
knew deep inside that there were fundamental principles to leading a happy,
healthy, fulfilling and prosperous life that he wanted to learn and apply. He
also wanted to share his research and findings with others who desired to
change their lives for the better.
Monday, December 28, 2020
7 Ways to Start to Value Yourself
“You can search
throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love
and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found
anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the universe, deserve your love
and affection” – Buddha
One of the biggest myths we feed into is that setting ourselves
as a number one priority is selfish and unkind. Truth is, it is the most loving
thing we can do for ourselves and for others. Our loved ones gain when we are
in a good space and when we have all our energy at any given moment. People
benefit when we are whole and life opens when we are thriving. Yet, we’re so
conditioned to believe that things will fall apart and it is not ethical to put
the person who lives inside your heart, body, and mind first.
I remember before I met my husband, I started to pull back from
some toxic relationships in my life. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of;
let myself be taken for granted. They demanded so much but gave so little. My
time, my finances, my heartfelt, “I will stretch until I break, as long as you
don’t have discomfort.”
When my priorities shifted and I started giving a little more
love to me. Not only did it feel amazing, but I had to have this love within me
before I could give it freely to someone else. My new found happiness was
poorly wished upon. And instead of attempting to fix those relationships, I
stood my ground with “I am loveable and worthy” mantras. I focused on the
blossoming relationships and let go of the suffocating.
Making yourself a priority enables you to be a better person,
not just for yourself, but for the relationships your forge along the way. The
choices we make from a more loving space are far more beneficial than the ones
we make from a place of guilt, lack and overextending.
Below are seven ways to start to value yourself and
make yourself an important person in your life. Besides, everything starts with you.
1. Stop comparing yourself
Comparing ourselves to others is a losing battle. Not only do we
look for things we lack, but we find ourselves in the feeling of lack. Unless
you have been in their shoes, view life the way they do and gone through their
experiences, you are comparing yourself to information that can in no way be
accurate. Comparing takes the focus off you and onto that person, yet your
power lies in things you can affect in your life. You are a unique being and
there is nobody in the world like you.
Start to shift your focus on things that are going right in your
life and pay attention to the person looking back in the mirror. He or she has
their own unique attributes. Let go of the inner perfectionist and start to
appreciate your smile, your talents, what you have to offer. Starting to see
your value is the fastest way to shift focus to the right place.
2. Don’t settle
Some people stay in jobs they don’t like just because of the
salary. Others settle in relationships that no longer cause their hearts to
race. Some of us stay with friends who deplete us because we long for any kind
of company. Whatever your settle, it’s not worth the cost. You deserve peace of
mind and to be outrageously happy.
3. Start appreciating
Appreciate the bed you sleep it. Appreciate your significant
other. Appreciate the clothes you have on your back, your car, your food. But
mostly, don’t forget to appreciate what you bring into the world. Start to see
the joy you bring to others. Give thought to the impact of that joy and its
ripple effects. Just because you are not aware, does not mean it has not
extended itself further than you can imagine.
The more you appreciate, the more good will flow into your life.
4. Foster healthy relationships
Let go of or at least distance yourself from
anything that causes you to feel less than good. Find yourself in the presence
of people who bring something significant into your life. Make it a point to
have at least two people who feed your spirit, encourage your dreams and accept
you for who you are. No
alterations. Cultivating strong, nurturing bonds encourages us to remember we
are not alone and keeps our hearts open.
5. Learn to say No
While we are here to help one another there will be times we’re tempted
to do things at the expense of our own well-being. Sometimes when we give more
than we can we don’t allow the other person to learn from or have their own
experiences. Continually doing things out of insincere obligation can lead to
resentment. Instead, honor yourself by doing what feels right for you.
‘No’ can be liberating, because when we say no to others we are
saying “yes” to ourselves and we’re in alignment with our values. Allow
yourself to say no once in a while. This practice will improve your self-esteem
and create a space for people to value and respect you more.
6. Set healthy boundaries
Having clear boundaries is vital to establishing that
relationships are mutually respectful. Believe it or not, but putting “up”
boundaries actually creates freedom because when our wishes are clearly
defined, there is no need to put up walls. Boundaries reflect our self-esteem
and our values. A healthy self-respect will teach others how to treat you.
And when the occasional person attempts to push against your
lines, simply keep your feet placed firmly on the ground.
7. Follow your heart
We all have something that makes us come alive and gives our
lives meaning. Don’t forget to listen to the part of you that drives your
bliss, and be aware of your idol wants and those little things that distract
you. Focus on your purpose because dreams never really go away. They simply get
postponed.
Our passions can be as little or big as they are, and we can
have one or a multitude of them. Listen to the things that are ticking at your
heart’s door and find a way to do one thing at a time if you can. You can
encourage yourself to do it all and to find a way for life to support you while
you do.
Everything in our lives starts with us and ripples into our
relationships. So it only makes sense to give yourself as much love, nurturing
and joy that you would look for in others, or that others would seek in you. By
living the best life we can we inject these ripples to go out with love,
beauty, and kindness.
Source: https://bit.ly/2WN5wda
About the author
Ulenda Myburgh is an Intuitive
Transformational Coach helping people find their personal power and teaches you
how to live a soul aligned, heart centered life and live from your divine
wisdom. Follow her heart centered nuggets on YouTube, or for more information, find her at www.ulendamyburgh.com.
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The most important lesson from 83,000 brain scans | Daniel Amen
"Behavior is the expression of the problem, not the problem". Daniel Amen
