How to make stress your friend | Kelly McGonigal

"Go after what it is that creates meaning in your life and then trust yourself to handle the stress that follows." That's an amazing sentence.

Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

 

Agenda of being an effective speaker regardless of it's planned or spontaneous!

Five Surprising Ways Exercise Changes Your Brain

 

We’ve all heard that exercise is good for us—how it strengthens our hearts and lungs, and helps us prevent diseases like diabetes. That’s why so many of us like to make New Year’s resolutions to move more, knowing it will make us healthier and live longer.

But many people don’t know about the other important benefits of exercise—how it can help us find happiness, hope, connection, and courage.

Around the world, people who are physically active are happier and more satisfied with their lives. They have a stronger sense of purpose and experience more gratitude, love, and hope. They feel more connected to their communities, and are less likely to suffer from loneliness or become depressed.

These benefits are seen throughout the lifespan, including among those living with serious mental and physical health challenges. That’s true whether their preferred activity is walking, running, swimming, dancing, biking, playing sports, lifting weights, or practicing yoga.

Why is movement linked to such a wide range of psychological benefits? One reason is its powerful and profound effects on the brain. Here are five surprising ways that being active is good for your brain—and how you can harness these benefits yourself.

1. The exercise “high” primes you to connect with others

Although typically described as a runner’s high, an exercise-induced mood boost is not exclusive to running. A similar bliss can be found in any sustained physical activity.

Scientists have long speculated that endorphins are behind the high, but research shows the high is linked to another class of brain chemicals: endocannabinoids (the same chemicals mimicked by cannabis)—what neuroscientists describe as “don’t worry, be happy” chemicals.

Areas of the brain that regulate the stress response, including the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, are rich in receptors for endocannabinoids. When endocannabinoid molecules lock into these receptors, they reduce anxiety and induce a state of contentment. Endocannabinoids also increase dopamine in the brain’s reward system, which further fuels feelings of optimism.

This exercise high also primes us to connect with others, by increasing the pleasure we derive from being around other people, which can strengthen relationships. Many people use exercise as an opportunity to connect with friends or loved ones.

Among married couples, when spouses exercise together, both partners report more closeness later that day, including feeling loved and supported.

Another study found that on days when people exercise, they report more positive interactions with friends and family. As one runner said to me, “My family will sometimes send me out running, as they know that I will come back a much better person.”

2. Exercise can make your brain more sensitive to joy

When you exercise, you provide a low-dose jolt to the brain’s reward centers—the system of the brain that helps you anticipate pleasure, feel motivated, and maintain hope. Over time, regular exercise remodels the reward system, leading to higher circulating levels of dopamine and more available dopamine receptors. In this way, exercise can both relieve depression and expand your capacity for joy.

These changes can also repair the neurological havoc wreaked by substance abuse. Substance abuse lowers the level of dopamine in your brain and reduces the availability of dopamine receptors in the reward system. As result, people struggling with addiction can feel unmotivated, depressed, antisocial, and unable to enjoy ordinary pleasures. Exercise can reverse this.

In one randomised trial, adults in treatment for methamphetamine abuse participated in an hour of walking, jogging, and strength training three times a week. After eight weeks, their brains showed an increase in dopamine receptor availability in the reward system.

Jump-starting the brain’s reward system benefits not just those who struggle with depression or addiction. Our brains change as we age, and adults lose up to 13 percent of the dopamine receptors in the reward system with each passing decade. This loss leads to less enjoyment of everyday pleasures, but physical activity can prevent the decline. Compared to their inactive peers, active older adults have reward systems that more closely resemble those of individuals who are decades younger.

3. Exercise makes you brave

Courage is another side effect of physical activity on the brain. At the very same time that a new exercise habit is enhancing the reward system, it also increases neural connections among areas of the brain that calm anxiety. Regular physical activity can also modify the default state of the nervous system so that it becomes more balanced and less prone to fight, flight, or fright.

The latest research even suggests that lactate—the metabolic by-product of exercise that is commonly, but erroneously, blamed for muscle soreness—has positive effects on mental health. After lactate is released by muscles, it travels through the bloodstream to the brain, where it alters your neurochemistry in a way that can reduce anxiety and protect against depression.

Sometimes, the movement itself allows us to experience ourselves as brave, as the language we use to describe courage relies on metaphors of the body. We overcome obstacles, break through barriers, and walk through fire. We carry burdens, reach out for help, and lift one another up. This is how we as humans talk about bravery and resilience.

When we are faced with adversity or doubting our own strength, it can help to feel these actions in our bodies. The mind instinctively makes sense out of physical actions. Sometimes we need to climb an actual hill, pull ourselves up, or work together to shoulder a heavy load to know that these traits are a part of us.

4. Moving with others builds trust and belonging

In 1912, French sociologist Émile Durkheim coined the term collective effervescence to describe the euphoric self-transcendence individuals feel when they move together in ritual, prayer, or work. Moving with others—for example, in group exercise, yoga, or dance classes—is one of the most powerful ways to experience joy.

Psychologists believe the key to producing collective joy is synchrony—moving in the same way, and at the same time, as others—because it triggers a release of endorphins. This is why dancers and rowers who move in synch show an increase in pain tolerance.

But endorphins don’t just make us feel good; they help us bond, too. People sharing an endorphin rush through a collective activity like, trust, and feel closer to one another afterward. It’s a powerful neurobiological mechanism for forming friendships, even with people we don’t know.

Group exercise has managed to capitalize on the social benefits of synchronized movement. For example, the more you get your heart rate up, the closer you feel to the people you move in unison with, and adding music enhances the effect. Breathing in unison can also amplify the feeling of collective joy, as may happen in a yoga class.

We were born with brains able to craft a sense of connection to others that is as visceral as the feedback coming from our own heart, lungs, and muscles. That is an astonishing thing! We humans can go about most of our lives, sensing and feeling ourselves as separate, but through one small action—coming together in movement—we dissolve the boundaries that divide us.

5. Trying a new activity can transform your self-image

Every time you move your body, sensory receptors in your muscles, tendons, and joints send information to your brain about what is happening. This is why if you close your eyes and raise one arm, you can feel the shift in position and know where your arm is in space. You don’t have to watch what’s happening; you can sense yourself.

The ability to perceive your body’s movements is called proprioception, and is sometimes referred to as the “sixth sense.” It helps us move through space with ease and skill and plays a surprisingly important role in self-concept—how you think about who you are and how you imagine others see you.

When you participate in any physical activity, your moment-to-moment sense of self is shaped by the qualities of your movement. If you move with grace, your brain perceives the elongation of your limbs and the fluidity of your steps, and realizes, “I am graceful.”

When you move with power, your brain encodes the explosive contraction of muscles, senses the speed of the action, and understands, “I am powerful.” If there is a voice in your head saying, “You’re too old, too awkward, too big, too broken, too weak,” sensations from movement can provide a compelling counterargument.

Physical accomplishments change how you think about yourself and what you are capable of, and the effect should not be underestimated. One woman I spoke with shared a story about when she was in her early 20s and found herself severely depressed, with a plan to take her own life.

The day she intended to go through with it, she went to the gym for one last workout. She deadlifted 185 pounds, a personal best. When she put the bar down, she realized that she didn’t want to die. Instead, she remembers, “I wanted to see how strong I could become.” Five years later, she can now deadlift 300 pounds.

Clearly, we were born to move, and the effects of exercise on our psychological and social well-being are many. So, why not start the new year right and add more movement to your life? No doubt you’ll feel better, be happier, and have better social relationships because of it.

Source: https://bit.ly/3a0tY0P

About the Author

Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., is a health psychologist who specializes in understanding the mind-body connection. She is the best-selling author of The Willpower Instinct and The Upside of Stress. Her latest book, The Joy of Movement, explores why physical exercise is a powerful antidote to the modern epidemics of depression, anxiety, and loneliness.

Choices that can Change your Life | Caroline Myss

 

“You’re not entitled to anything.” Hearing this truth makes me grateful for every single second, every single breath. 💕

The 5 rules of self-care for great leaders

Leaders emerge and grow from their passion for helping and serving others, and it’s easy to forget about their own well-being, balance, and mental state along the way.

 

Each time before takeoff there is a safety demonstration, and each time the crew reminds you that in case of an emergency, you should put on your mask first before assisting others. The urge is to always put your children, your spouse, your parents—your loved ones—before yourself. We take care of other people more than we take care of ourselves. 

This is true for leaders, too. Leaders emerge and grow from their passion for helping and serving others, and it’s very easy to forget about their own well being, balance and mental state along the way.

And this year the importance of putting their own mask on first (literally!) was crucial. 

I was used to remote work, hopping on and off planes on different continents and time zones. My digital marketing company had all necessary tools in place—for calls, project management, planning, team building. Zoom was installed and used long before it became a thing of 2020. My teams were more equipped than most for the new normal, but it didn’t mean we were less stressed about the new normal. 

No matter what situation we all had at home—kids or no kids, with a huge family or alone, with a partner or a flat mate—everyone was fighting their own battles. So while I was prepared for remote work leadership, I wasn’t prepared for remote work leadership when I am stressed and everyone on my team is stressed, and all of us are scared. 

This is where I started with me—I searched for my own “mask.” And I’ve built up the routines in the new world that ensured that I can show up, day by day, for my team. 

Here are the five self-care rules I’ve built along the way.

Be honest

Trying to come up with an answer takes more energy and time than saying the blunt truth. If I don’t know, I’ll say I don’t know. If I disagree, I’ll openly admit it and share my opinion. If I am destroyed, upset or anxious, I’ll share that with my team, too. Truth is rewarding and it reinforces the bond. The team knows what they hear is exactly what I am thinking right now. It might not work for everyone, but I don’t want everyone on my team either. 

Be kind 

First of all, I am kind to myself, and that’s where the self-love really becomes self compassion. Negative self talk only makes things worse, leaves me in the state of distress and insecurity, and nothing productive can emerge from this state. I accept that I’ll make mistakes while I grow and lead my team—this is a part of the process. This does not mean that I don’t care if I make a mistake—because that’s not the case at all. But rather than harping on the negative, I accept that I was wrong and I try to learn as much as I can from it. 

Love your body 

This is not even about looks. This is about being healthy and taking good care of my physical self. Exercise, drink at least 2 litres of water per day, start the day with a nutritious healthy breakfast. During the pandemic I bought a treadmill for walking more even during lockdowns, a blender to make smoothies, and a jump rope. 

Working from home has actually made this easier for me to master, a silver lining so to say. Exercise gets the stress out of your system, and physical health gives the level of confidence that benefits me greatly to lead others.

Say “no” 

I say “no.” To events, people, and circumstances that make my life uncomfortable and less enjoyable. It’s okay to sit out of something if it’s not something you want to be a part of. Having learned and accepted this, if I don’t like something, I now try to get it out of my life as quickly as possible.

Take breaks

I occasionally do nothing. Rest and relaxation is non-negotiable. I spend time in bed, I scroll through social media, search the web, sleep, and even just stare at the ceiling. This chill time is necessary and gives my brain what it needs to recharge.

My values and beliefs, my professional experience, my goals that are approved with my boss, people who chose me as their leader and who I choose to lead, our achievements and success—this is what defines me at work. 

My age, gender, height and weight, world’s beauty standards, other people’s opinions, past mistakes, expectations of me from someone in another department—this all is irrelevant to who I am as a person and as a leader. 

This is what I remind myself each and every day as I grow personally and professionally, and I truly believe there’s value in building on these rules for self-care as we all work to embody the evolving manifesto that is leadership today. 

Source: https://bit.ly/3bXmPBc

About the author

Olga Andrienko is the head of global marketing at Semrush, a digital marketing platform

How Being Wrong is Part of Success

 

Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.~Winston Churchill

Before I moved from Minneapolis to New York City in 2006, I worked in the prepress production department of a family-owned advertising agency that is consistently listed as one of the best places to work in Minneapolis, for good reason. (OK, I will spill: It’s Periscope.)

We had a saying there that I still refer to whenever I need it (which is often): “It’s okaaaayyyy to be wrong!” When someone discovered that she had made a mistake, she would raise her hand in the air and say, “I was wrong; it’s okay to be wrong.”

There was no blame. There was no asking whose fault it was and firing them or making them feel bad. It was a culture of acceptance of mistakes.

 

This allowed us to learn from them and improve.

We talked about our mistakes — what they were, how they happened and how we could avoid making them in the future. We talked about how we could do better, and because we treated them as a learning opportunity instead of a shameful failure, our mistakes led to better work.

This has been a tough thing for me to learn.

 

You Must Be Perfect

My mom did not think it was okay to be wrong.

A few years back when I was visiting Minneapolis, she loaned me her second car so I wouldn’t have to rent one. I accidentally left one of my liquid ink pens uncapped on the passenger seat.

 

Fabric sucks the ink out of those things at light speed, and it left a spot about the size of a dime. When I mentioned it to Mom, she said, “It’s a good thing that wasn’t my new car, because if it were, I would be mad.”

 

I know my mom doesn’t think about this consciously, but the underlying message there is: I value my things more than you. It’s not okay to spill things, break things and otherwise screw up. You must do everything perfectly, or I will get mad.

As an adult, I can look at that message and consciously know that something is wrong with it.

 

As an adult, I can think of myself as a kid — still trying to figure out how the world works, how my own body works, still growing into my motor skills, my big chubby fingers, my still-developing brain — and realize that I was being subtly told that mistakes were not okay.

And this at a time when it was inevitable that I would make a billion of them.

 

A Never-Fail Strategy Fails

As an adult, I know that anger, properly, is a response to an injustice. Spilling ink on a car seat is not an injustice. I had not wronged my mom. It was an accident. It was not a big deal. Certainly not a cause for anger — even if it had been her brand new car.

But as a kid, all I knew to do was to avoid my mother’s anger by avoiding mistakes. I grew up into a girl who tried to never fail.

 

My klutziness, my messiness, any moment of carelessness — all were sources of shame. Not knowing how to do something and having to be taught, especially if it were something physically awkward — whether it was how to use chopsticks or how to shoot pool or how to bowl — could bring me to tears in seconds.

 

My “never failing” strategy didn’t work out so well. I still made mistakes, and yet I missed out on the lessons I could have learned, the ways I could improve, the successes I could have had, because I hid my face in shame rather than deal with them head on.

 

I’m still afraid that I’ll fail at the thing I love to do the most. I’m afraid it won’t have meaning in the real world — this writing thing I’m doing, just as my mother always predicted. That I will need that backup plan that I don’t really have.

 

Not Afraid Anymore

That fear has nearly paralyzed me for many years. It has kept me from sharing and connecting.

I’m finished with that now. I will not be afraid of spilled ink anymore.

 

I will spill it all over the place to get where I need to go. To this day my mother still tells me I need to be more careful, even though I am one of the most careful, detail-oriented people in the world.

 

I still forget things. I still misplace things. I still spill things. I still fail.

Some of the time.

But now I know: All of that is normal and necessary. All of that is life; it’s figuring things out; it’s being who you are. It’s learning.

I am not infallible, and I never will be, and I don’t need to be. Because it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to be wrong.

How has being wrong helped you succeed?

 

Source: https://bit.ly/3oTAdda

About the author

Rachael Ann Mare is a writer who helps creators stay motivated. At her blog, SpunkyMisfitGirl.com, you can download her free e-book for tips and tricks on living a more inspired life.

 

The art of being yourself | Caroline McHugh

 “Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.” - Amazing

Why We Should Seek Happiness Even in Hard Times

 

When we’re deluged by bad-news stories, it’s hard to not feel discouraged or even depressed. But, according to Buddhist psychologist Jack Kornfield, falling into despair is not a response that helps anyone—not you, nor your community or the world. Instead, he argues, we must aim for compassion, caring, and equanimity.

In this conversation, the acclaimed author of books like A Path with Heart and The Wise Heart offers up his perspective on suffering and what we can do to maintain our caring heart, using practices honed over thousands of years from traditional wisdom traditions. Many of these have been validated by researchers studying the new science of personal and social well-being, suggesting an interesting confluence between ancient traditions and modern science.

If you want to hear more, Kornfield will be expanding on these ideas in a session at The Science of Happiness: Live, the GGSC’s special three-day event on May 2-5, 2019, in Northern California.

Jill Suttie: How do you define happiness?

Jack Kornfield: Happiness has lots of meanings. We’re happy if there’s safety and security in our life, and we’re happy in the deepest way when we feel a sense of belonging and connection with one another, and with the beautiful world around us. We’re happy if we have a sense of purpose and meaning; we’re happy if we can learn to tend our own heart and mind in a way that brings inner well-being and peace and joy amidst the vicissitudes of life.

Happiness in the deepest sense is not a feeling state or a succession of pleasures, but a deep sense of well-being and an appreciation for life itself, with all of its mystery and changes.

JS: How can we find happiness when there is so much suffering in the world?

JK: There is inevitably suffering in every human life, and nothing insulates us from this—no amount of money, success, fame, or accomplishment. But it’s possible to cultivate and develop a sense of well-being, joy, deep happiness, and worth, even amidst the difficulties of life. I’ve been in the poorest refugee camps and seen people move with more dignity, connection to others, and love than in circumstances of tremendous wealth and prosperity.

If you go to work in a refugee camp, it doesn’t help the people there if you are depressed or unhappy. When you are working with people in difficulty, they don’t want you to come with your fears and confusion.

Yes, compassion is important; but joy is also important—it is what the French philosopher André Gide called “a moral obligation.” Our gift to the world comes as much through our being and presence, our smile and touch, our sense of possibility and the mystery of human life, as it does in the specifics of what we do. Wherever we go, we can be a beacon of well-being, love, and care that not only touches but uplifts those whom we encounter.

Greater Good is part of a new movement in Western psychology toward positive states, drawing on capacities built into the ancient wisdom traditions of the world. Buddhist psychology is the opposite of the medical model of Western psychology, which focuses on diagnosing and healing pathology. Buddhist psychology is focused on human well-being and offers practical ways to build joy, caring, compassion, a peaceful heart, a liberated spirit, and an inner sense of freedom among the vicissitudes of life.

Modern neuroscience confirms that we can learn to steady our attention, quiet our minds, and open our hearts in a systematic way. Simple practices of mindfulness, gratitude, forgiveness, joy, and compassion positively affect our health and well-being, and beneficially affect all those that we touch. These states are our birthright; they are possible for us as human beings. 

JS: But there must be challenges to living more joyfully. How can we overcome them?

JK: Part of what may get in the way is that we feel it’s wrong to have an inner happiness. When there’s ongoing injustice in the world—grain elevators full of food while children are starving; conflicts and fears of terrorism, while we continue to sell billions of dollars of weapons and spread them around the globe—we all know something’s wrong with this picture.

The world doesn’t need more food—we have plenty to share—and it doesn’t need more weapons. It needs more care and connection, it needs more love. We know this as surely as we know our own name. And yet, because we can’t change all of this at once, we feel overwhelmed, guilty, or ashamed, or that it’s not right for us to have a measure of happiness.

In a remarkable poem by poet Jack Gilbert called “A Brief for the Defense,” he says: “We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world. To make injustice the only measure of our attention is to praise the devil.”

It doesn’t mean that we don’t do all we can to make a difference—to stretch our arms and mend the places we can with our own given capacities, to plant good seeds, to stand up for justice, to heal what is broken. This is part of what gives us meaning and well-being. But to do so with a joyful heart is a very different thing than to act out of anger, guilt, fear, or despair.

JS: Is there a role for gratitude in finding happiness during hard times?

Jack Kornfield is the author of No Time Like the Present: Finding Freedom, Love, and Joy Right Where You Are (Atria Books, 2018, 320 pages).

JK: Gratitude and appreciation are a deep dimension of happiness. Our media and our news tend to focus on the problems—a bombing, an earthquake, a murder, or a conflict—but these are actually anomalies. Each time there is a bad piece of news that gets publicized, there are 100 million acts of goodness that happen in that same hour—people putting a plate of cooked spaghetti in front of their child, people stopping at a red light so you can safely pass on the green, people planting gardens and designing new homes, millions of acts of goodness. Then there’s the beauty of life itself, where even after a rainstorm, we see the lavender reflections of the sunset in the puddles in the street.

If we pay attention with a tender heart, we can see the eyes of passersby—sometimes weary, sometimes hurried—with all of their humanity on display. There are always birds in the sky, and the dazzling display of clouds, weather, blueness, and stars that meets our uplifted eyes. How can we not see the mystery of incarnation and appreciate life?

If you step into the street, and a car comes rushing by, you jump onto the curb to save your life—you care about your life. Every cell of your body carries this appreciation. Gratitude is loving attention that brings into the heart the sense that we belong here in this life. And, with each step, each smile, each gesture, we can add our gift and add our part in small and large ways.

JS: People sometimes have trouble accessing gratitude, though, right?

JK: The mind has a million channels. We can tune into the channels of depression and fear, or we can tune into the channels of connection and love. Our brain is wired this way. We have a primitive brain that is easily activated into a fight, flight, or freeze response. Much of the modern news cycle works to capture our attention by trying to scare us. This is the aim of modern politics, too. We can all feel the growing level of anxiety in our culture and globally.

But there are other channels. In that same moment, we can see the fiction and the manipulation that often accompanies politics and the media’s attempt to scare us and capture our attention through our fears. We can also look around and see that there is enormous beauty in the world and zillions of acts of kindness at the very same time. Depending on what seeds we water and where we direct our attention, we can live in fear and confusion or we can activate many other powerful dimensions of our own heart and mind—of caring, confidence, equanimity, and well-being. These are innate in us and with care can be enhanced and awakened.

In my decades of working as a Buddhist teacher and psychologist, I’ve seen how even a little training in compassion, gratitude, generosity, mindfulness, and loving awareness can change a difficult situation in moments. Whatever seeds we water will grow in our minds and hearts.

JS: Do you think that individuals practicing gratitude impacts those around them? If so, how?

JK: How could it not? It’s a joy to spread well-being, but it’s also a moral force. When the Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh explained this, he said that when the crowded refugee boats met with storms and pirates, if everyone panicked, all would be lost. But if even one person in the boat remained centered and calm, it was enough to show the way for everyone to survive. We become that person on the boat of the world when we center ourselves with a peaceful heart, with a spirit of care and well-being. This affects all those around us.

Though gratitude is a beautiful quality, I don’t know if it’s the right word. I think caring is what we’re looking for—caring for yourself, for this life, the human community, the earth, for one another. Caring has love, awareness, gratitude, and appreciation all in it.

“Wherever we go, we can be a beacon of well-being, love, and care that not only touches but uplifts those whom we encounter.”

―Jack Kornfield

You ask, can changing your inner life make a difference in the troubles of the world? Nothing else can! No amount of technology, computers, Internet, artificial intelligence, biotech, nanotechnology, or space technology is going to stop continuing racism, warfare, environmental destruction, and tribalism. These all have their source in the human heart. 

The outer developments that are so remarkable in our human world now need to be matched by the inner developments of humanity. These inner developments can awaken compassion for ourselves and others. They grow from loving attention and awareness, they develop a deep sense of interconnection, of care and social and emotional wisdom. This is the great task of modern times. To bring the inner level of human consciousness up to the level of our outer development. Nothing else will really make a difference.

JS: Do you ever find yourself despairing?

JK: Underneath it all, I have a deep sense of trust. As Dr. King stated, “The moral arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” Of course, like everyone, I have different moods, and certain events I find discouraging and terribly painful. When leaders in the world act in ways that are tragic—in the great sense of the Greek word tragedy, where you see the course of human events set in motion so that they will bring suffering to many people, and there isn’t an easy way to turn it around—my heart breaks and I weep.

But tragedy and comedy, and joy and sorrow, make up this human life. Tragedy is not the end of the story. Suffering is only the first of the Buddha’s Noble Truths: There is suffering in life. Then the second and third Noble Truths go on to teach its causes and, most beautifully, its end. There are things we can do, in every circumstance, even the most terrible ones, that alleviate suffering and turn us in a different direction. There is always a ground for human nobility and love. And that’s what gives me hope and energy.

 

Source: https://bit.ly/2N4JUHw

 

 About the author

 

Jill Suttie, Psy.D., is Greater Good’s former book review editor and now serves as a staff writer and contributing editor for the magazine. She received her doctorate of psychology from the University of San Francisco in 1998 and was a psychologist in private practice before coming to Greater Good.