In this post, we’re going to go over the 10 most common negative thought patterns that people fall into.
At some point in time we will all be
affected by at least one of these ways of thinking. Interestingly, we often
don’t even realise we’re doing it when it happens, although it's easy to spot
in others, which is why taking the time to learn about each one is beneficial
for identifying any you may unconsciously employ.
As you read
through, take the time to consider which of these thought patterns resonate
with you. Everyone should have at least one of these negative traits they can
identify with, even if it is only mildly. Once you’ve identified yours, you can
try the tips below to help you overcome your negative thought patterns once and
for all:
1. BLACK AND WHITE
THINKING
This is 'all
or nothing' thinking - where we see no middle ground or grey areas in
situations or people. These thoughts are often characterised by
words like ‘always’, ‘never’ and ‘every’, and includes thinking in absolute
terms. If you often find yourself thinking you will never achieve
something, feeling like other people always hold you back, or if you think
that nothing short of perfection is acceptable, black and white thinking might
be something you indulge in.
2. BLAMING
This is the
tendency to either blame ourselves for situations beyond our control, or to
blame others for our own roles and responsibilities in a situation.
It’s the inappropriate assignment of fault. For example, someone might blame
their spouse not setting an alarm for their late arrival to work. Equally, that
spouse might also see themselves as responsible for the same thing. Yet both of
those thought patterns show inappropriate assignment of responsibility. A grown
adult who is capable of holding a job is also capable of setting an alarm and
should hold themselves accountable for doing so.
3. CATASTROPHISING
This is when
we exaggerate situations making them seem worse than they really are.
It’s very ‘what if’ type thinking that results in assuming the worst. For
example, you may simply be running late for a meeting but all of a sudden, your
mind has jumped ahead and turned this into a situation which could result in
losing an account, or even your job. And if you lose your job, you will lose
your house. Inexplicably, you are starting to consider whether you will need to
move back in with your parents and how you will ever get a decent job again.
The reality is, you’re five minutes late - that’s it.
4. PERSONALISATION
This is when
we believe everything is about us, or our fault.
This can manifest in many ways. You might see someone at work who seems a
little grumpy and automatically assume they are mad at you. You may assume
responsibility for an event you had no control over, or were not even involved
with. Or you may take events that are happening to a larger audience of people
than just yourself and still take it personally, for example: being stuck in
traffic and wondering why this always happens to you.
5. MENTAL FILTER
This is when
we focus on the negatives of a situation, and filter out all the positives. If
you fall into this negative thought pattern, it will likely pop up whenever
someone criticises you or your work. Even a small throw away comment, or a
piece of constructive criticism amongst an entire conversation about how
fantastic you are, could become a huge focus for you. You could have an
excellent review at work with one small critique and the only part you would
focus on is that one area that could use further development. No matter how the
good might outweigh the bad, the bad is always going to tip the scales for
someone who has this mental filter switched on.
6. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
This one is
fairly simple. When you jump to conclusions you are assuming what others are
thinking or feeling without having any solid evidence to indicate that you are
right. Using a work example again, you may approach a group of
coworkers who are all talking to one another but stop as you arrive. Someone
who jumps to conclusions would assume their coworkers had been talking about
them, when in fact there are many reasons conversation may have paused.
7. OVERGENERALISING
This is
taking a single event or incident and deciding that it is an indicator of how
life will be from now on. For example, failing to get a particular
job means you will never get a job. A bad date means you will never find a
partner. Growing up in a poor family means you will never be wealthy. It can
also relate to your judgements of others, including serious prejudices like
racism, sexism and homophobia.
8. THE SHOULDS
This type of
negative thinking sets ourselves and others up for criticism. We
have a list of rules about how things should be, and how we and others should
behave. These rules generate anger, resentment and disappointment if they are
broken by others, or guilt if we break them ourselves. This differs from a
standard set of morals which are generally very helpful, because the ‘shoulds’
are often unrealistic, too idealistic, or just plain unachievable.
9. EMOTIONAL REASONING
This is when
we automatically believe what we feel about ourselves is true. For
example, if you worry that you are boring and not funny, that must be accurate.
We assume if that’s how we feel, it simply must be true. This sort of thinking
can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies, where we end up acting out the
behaviour we’ve predicted. Why even share a joke when you have already decided
you don’t have a good sense of humor? Why attend social events when you feel
like you will just bore everyone and bring the mood down? Suddenly, you are the
boring person who never goes to any events when invited, and who can never even
crack a joke. Oops!
10. SELF-SERVING BIAS
This is when
a person attributes all successes and positive events to their own abilities or
character, while attributing any failings or negative events to other people or
things outside of their control. An example
of this is a student getting a great mark on a test and attributing it to their
own intelligence, but blaming a failing grade in another class to the teaching
method of the lecturer, or perhaps having a head-cold on the day of the exam.
This negative thought pattern usually results in a person not being able to
take responsibility for their own actions. Ironically, it can also create the
perception of either an over-inflated ego or great insecurity.
It takes a lot of self-reflection and
awareness to identify what your negative thought patterns are.
Once you know what areas you need to work
on, you will be better equipped to identify your negative thought patterns when
they take hold.
You can overcome negative thought patterns
by:
1.
Recognising them when they pop up. Once you
know what yours are, and know what language you tend to use around them (words
like: should, always, never) or what emotions they evoke in the moment, you
should begin to recognise them when they arise. It will get easier the more you
do it!
2. Become an
observer of your thoughts. This involves seeing the situation from the
outside looking in. Rather than getting emotional about it, look at it
logically. Consider what happened to trigger your negative thought pattern and
really assess that ‘cause and effect’ relationship and whether it is
appropriate. Consider whether the way your mind and emotions interpreted the
events was accurate or reasonable.
3. Imagine
what you would think if you weren’t personally involved.
Consider the situation and imagine it’s playing out amongst strangers. This
will help you see the situation as the true, basic events without your filters
and projections affecting your interpretation. If someone you know came to you
and explained this very event to you, what advice would you give them to help
them deal with it? Would you approach the situation differently?
4. Consider
what you can learn from the situation, or whether this is a situation you want
to rectify or take action on. Each
situation is different, sometimes you might decide that in fact, what has
unfolded doesn’t require much of a response at all. It may simply be a
situation you can absorb and learn from. Perhaps that critique in your review
at work really was just a goal you can work toward, something that will help
you develop your skills and become a more valuable employee. But there will
also be times when you do need to address an issue. By going through steps 1-3,
you’ll be in a much better frame of mind to approach it objectively and without
bias, ensuring you can achieve the most positive outcome possible.
5. Allow
yourself to let it go and move on! Often this
is a conscious action we need to take. It’s funny how a situation can play on your
mind for hours, days or even months after the incident. I know people who have
held onto minor things for years, and it’s just not worth keeping the mental
space for it. So consciously ask yourself if this is something you want to hang
on to or if you need to simply let go. There are times when we can learn from a
situation, times where we need to intervene, and there are times when the best
possible outcome is just to release it.
Remember we’re all human and no-one is
perfect. If you aren’t always able to halt these negative thought patterns
don’t feel bad. The fact that you are starting to identify them and trying to
eliminate them where possible is fantastic. As always, the idea of working on
these things is simply to make life that little bit lighter and more enjoyable.
Source: https://bit.ly/3mHjpUD
About the author
Misty Sansom is on a lifelong
mission to help people discover what their purpose is, and how they can bring
it to life. She is the creator of Life,
Designed.; an online program to help people do exactly
that. Driven, inquisitive and free-spirited, Misty has fostered a love of
business, philosophy, creativity and new experiences into a life filled with
adventure. She writes about purpose, business, health, personal development and
everyday life from her home on the coast of New Zealand. Want to find your
purpose? Take the first step and download her free Purpose Toolkit here.
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